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March
26, 2005
Checking
Out
by Carol Hoenig
As of this writing, a brain-damaged woman in
Florida is the topic of a controversial subject
that is making headlines and news stories across
the country. It's also become a political issue
being used by some for their own agenda.
There have also been articles lately about two
Dutch doctors who defend euthanasia for infants
whose survival will mean continuous unbearable
suffering. These doctors, Eduard Verhagen and
Pieter J. J. Sauer, have written guidelines known
as the Groningen protocol. However, Stephen Drake,
a research analyst at Not Dead Yet says that these
guidelines are "singling out infants based on
somebody else's assessment of their quality of
life."
Almost a year ago, Huntington Williams made the
difficult decision to help his dying friend, John
T. Wellese, end the inevitable. Now, this friend is
facing jail time for offering advice on where to
aim the gun and then walking out of the house and
down the driveway, only to hear the single shot as
his friend pulled the trigger.
Finally, until I began reading the articles and
commentaries by film critic and talk show host
Michael Medved and other conservative folks, I had
little interest in seeing Clint Eastwood's
Million Dollar Baby. I must agree with
Medved that before his revelations about what
transpires in this movie, I believed it had the
same theme as Rocky or some such movie with
the predictable triumphant ending. But once I found
out that the story was more than what was shown in
previews, thanks to Medved, I made a date with
myself and caught a Sunday matinee, even though
I've never been a fan of boxing and don't
understand the thrill of watching two people beat
each other up until one falls lifelessly to the
mat. Million Dollar Baby has some of that,
but it also has the topic, one which has been in
the news quite a lot lately, that I find more
fascinating.
I don't believe that Eastwood was trying to
trick anyone into thinking that this movie was
about something other than the life of a female
prize fighter and her hardened trainer, as was
suggested in an article by correspondent for
Family News In Focus, Steve Jordahl. Nor do
I believe that it had some hidden agenda or was the
handiwork of Satan as Joni Eareckson Tada believes.
A quadriplegic and disability-rights activist, Joni
is quoted in Jordahl's article as saying: "Our
adversary, the devil, is a liar and a murderer and
a deceiver. And with this movie, Million Dollar
Baby, he's attempting to deceive us even
further."
I'm not quite sure what the deception is, and
now that the movie has been out for quite awhile
and has received several nods from the Academy, I
don't feel what I'm about to share will ruin the
ending for many. Thanks to these articles of
protest, scolding anyone connected with this movie,
I was intrigued. I appreciate a story that
surprises me and forces me to confront complicated
issues. What I don't like is watching a fighter
work his or her way through several rounds of
jabbing, cutting and profuse bleeding while the
scene builds to the climactic outcome that is
favorable for the protagonist--you know, the warm
and fuzzy, if not unrealistic, ending. So, for a
good hour and a half, the movie is about a trainer
whose career is winding down juxtaposed with a
woman's struggle to become a better person while
refusing to give up her dream. Then, in one
instant, her life spirals downward. It is then that
Medved, Tada and others take issue with the
direction the storyline takes.
Let me go on record and say that at this point
in my life I doubt that I could ever help anyone
permanently check out. Not because I have any
religious or moral fiber that would keep me from
doing so, but more that I am a coward. I am not
envious of Terri Schiavo's family and the nightmare
they are facing and, if anything, it's a reminder
that we should all write up our living wills so
that our fate isn't placed in the hands of those
who have no business deciding the outcome. Either
way, for now I cannot imagine helping someone with
his or her final act since it is just too weighty.
Then again, if I were dependent on someone to help
me check out, I'd be pissed if they chose to turn
their back on me. At this stage in my life, though,
I'm healthy, active and comparatively young, but
there have been bouts of depression that have
brought me face to face with confronting, "what
if?" The only thing that keeps me buoyed from
sinking too low is knowing what my act would do to
my children, even if they are no longer children,
but young adults. They, so to speak, are often my
lifeline when I'm briefly contemplating bottles of
pills and razor blades. Imagining them finding
their mom in some unresponsive state is enough to
force me to face another day, another night and
another year.
Each person mentioned at the beginning of this
piece had their own reason for wanting to
precipitate the inevitable, as did the fictional
character in Million Dollar Baby. They
weren't dealing with depression that a pill could
palliate. No, they were dealing with permanent
physical impairments that offer no release, except
by death and I'm trying to understand why the route
they chose would anger so many. Maybe the very idea
of taking death by the reins, whether it's assisted
or not, makes certain people uncomfortable; it does
appear to leave God out of the equation.
I have a friend who thinks that suicide, no
matter what the reason, is the ultimate selfish
act. I argue with her, tell her that sometimes,
oftentimes, its not a choice for those who simply
cannot bear another day. Except, when I think of my
children, I know that for me it would be a selfish
act. Checking out on them would be harder than any
other option that I contemplate. I'm still the
occasional shoulder they cry on, the voice of
reason they listen to. Perhaps, though, when time
passes and I've become elderly and dependent on my
children, then it could be easier. But for now,
it's just an occasional overdramatic notion without
any merit. Still, when I think of the so-called
healthy people who did end it all, I can't stop
wondering what was it that pushed them to an edge
where they had no choice but to jump.
I often think about the fifteen year old boy who
belonged to the church I'd attended and how one
afternoon he went home after school and took his
father's pistol, put it in his mouth and pulled the
trigger. Fifteen. I couldn't understand how this
boy's pain had been so well hidden until he decided
enough was enough. That was over twenty years ago
and I still think about him, about how his mom
found him in his bedroom. It's no secret that
teenagers' lives are filled with hormonal-inspired
drama and sometimes they feel the weight of the
world on their shoulders. It's no secret, too, that
they usually learn how to deal with the drama. Even
though there were no physical ailments, this boy's
burden was more than he could bear. Perhaps he
claimed the verse from John 12:25: The man who
loves his life will lose it, while the man who
hates his life in this world will keep it for
eternal life. Perhaps he hated his life so much, he
wanted to end it. It was suicide, but unlike the
movie, it wasn't assisted -- unless one takes into
account that he somehow managed to get a hold of
his father's loaded gun.
But my questions to those who are angry or
moralizing about the traumatic decision so many
people make or the content in Million Dollar
Baby are these: Why is there such an aversion
to what transpires in this movie? Why, if people
are trapped in their hell with no way out, except
for the obvious way, do we as a society feel a need
to interfere? Wouldn't we have been better served
to interfere elsewhere? For instance, why is there
not the vocal uprising about the reality of
genocide depicted in Hotel Rwanda, the
genocide that is occurring daily in Darfur? Why not
take up the cause for those whose vibrant lives are
being cut down because of the color of their skin?
Million Dollar Baby was not about some
wonderful life where a George Bailey discovers that
if he'd checked out, the town would have been in
the throes of a money-grubbing thief with one
tragedy befalling the next. Nor is it about a
thriving overemotional young woman.
While movies are made to entertain, if not
distract us from reality, some have the ability to
push buttons, intentional or not. If open dialogue
is what follows, then we may be able to understand
each other somewhat better. We may understand why
seventy-three year old Andrew James Turner, Jr., to
his family at a Mother's Day gathering, "This is my
last meal," as was reported in a recent New York
Times article. He then asked to have his
feeding tube removed, acknowledging that the cancer
was winning and he no longer wanted to fight a
losing battle.
I cannot answer the question, does mere
existence override quality of life for anyone else.
However, if my child were severely injured and
reliant on a life support system and somehow
communicated to me that he or she wanted to be
released from this world, I selfishly wouldn't want
to let them go. It's a conundrum, indeed. But
instead of chastising a director for forcing us to
ponder these issues, we should take a moment and
think about what it is that has us so riled. We
should also take a moment to write up our living
will.
Yes, life is a precious gift, but too often it
becomes more important than the one who finds
taking the next labored breath to be more painful
than not.
Carol
Hoenig is a contributor for Raw Story.
Woman This Month, a publication based out of
Bahrain, has recently acquired her essay, "Old
Friends," and will be publishing it for its
December '04 issue. Another essay will be published
in the Feb. 05 issue of Generation X
Journal. Besides writing essays, articles and
commentaries, Carol is working on her third novel.
You may reach her at Carolhoen@AOL.com.
This essay is copyright (c) 2005
by Carol Hoenig. Published here by permission of
the author.
Because
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on its website does not imply acceptance or
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the author of the material. Nor is the Academy
responsible for any misrepresentation of the facts
included. It is your job to be a critical
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